Help readers,
I am taking this anti-psychotic medicine, Olanzapine, and it has serious side effects like WEIGHT GAIN.
How am I supposed to deal with this? Urgh.
Please comment if you have any ideas.
Tuesday 25 March 2014
Tuesday 18 March 2014
Food porn.
Hi Readers,
Some more food porn for you guys.
As ironic as it sounds, ED people love and love food to the core. Don't deny the fact that I love food too and I really crave the food that some people can eat regularly without feeling guilty or have the intention to restrict/purge afterwards.
Sigh, as such is life.
Some more food porn for you guys.
As ironic as it sounds, ED people love and love food to the core. Don't deny the fact that I love food too and I really crave the food that some people can eat regularly without feeling guilty or have the intention to restrict/purge afterwards.
Sigh, as such is life.
Sunday 16 March 2014
Mom, again.
My mother slapped me again. Another remarkable event again.
How I wish my mother will ********. I know this is really unfilial and all of you will judge me but this is the
place for me to rant and let me know my feelings do exist and not just covering it under the blanket.
I am so sick and tired of this game called Life.
She scratched, slapped, hit, push, cane. You name it, she did it.
If i tell this to the doctors, the only viable and best solution that they have in mind is to admit me and they
think oh wow admission is the best and most helpful tool for her problem but they don't see that that's
just avoiding the problem.
ADMISSION =/ RECOVERY
More like, relapse.
JUST CANT BE BOTHERED ANYMORE.
How I wish my mother will ********. I know this is really unfilial and all of you will judge me but this is the
place for me to rant and let me know my feelings do exist and not just covering it under the blanket.
I am so sick and tired of this game called Life.
She scratched, slapped, hit, push, cane. You name it, she did it.
If i tell this to the doctors, the only viable and best solution that they have in mind is to admit me and they
think oh wow admission is the best and most helpful tool for her problem but they don't see that that's
just avoiding the problem.
ADMISSION =/ RECOVERY
More like, relapse.
JUST CANT BE BOTHERED ANYMORE.
Tuesday 11 March 2014
Quick rant.
Hello readers (if there are any)
Just a quickie update. Nothing much going on nowadays.
Just that maybe just all keep thinking about all the ED stuff I guess.
Sometimes, i tell myself that I shouldnt even be alive at this current point of life because
I have sent out so many threatening messages in the past to one of my friend, E, but
I never had the courage to do so. Maybe one day I wont sent it to her but just go ahead.
I am sick of not having people to talk to, I am really sick of this life. Can I get rid of this
harmful and disgusting and revolting life? The choice ultimately boils down to me. Every meal
in is a struggle despite being at healthy weight. I think I will lose a lot of followers on my blog
once I say I say I am of healthy weight but honestly, this blog is for me to rant so wtv.
Just a quickie update. Nothing much going on nowadays.
Just that maybe just all keep thinking about all the ED stuff I guess.
Sometimes, i tell myself that I shouldnt even be alive at this current point of life because
I have sent out so many threatening messages in the past to one of my friend, E, but
I never had the courage to do so. Maybe one day I wont sent it to her but just go ahead.
I am sick of not having people to talk to, I am really sick of this life. Can I get rid of this
harmful and disgusting and revolting life? The choice ultimately boils down to me. Every meal
in is a struggle despite being at healthy weight. I think I will lose a lot of followers on my blog
once I say I say I am of healthy weight but honestly, this blog is for me to rant so wtv.
Travel, maybe?
Hello everybody,
FASCINATED BY ALL THESE 31 POOLS, except #10 maybe.
http://www.lifebuzz.com/pools/
Ilovetotravel.
SERIOUSLY, FUCK OFF ED, SO THAT I CAN FUCKING ENJOY MY FUCKING LIFE. YOU DONT KNOW HOW MUCH YOU HAVE RUINED MY LIFE AND REALLY YOU ARE FUCKING LIKE A WRECKING BALL AND YOU JUST RUINED MY WHOLE FUTURE, PAST AND PRESENT JUST COS OF YOUR FUCKING PRESENCE. ITS LIKE YOU INTERRUPTED MY WHOLE LIFE but sadly, I am the one whos like a slave to you and just listen to every command you tell me to do.
Saturday 8 March 2014
Judgemental Me.
I judge myself based on many things and sometimes (I don't deny) that I actually also
judge people just like how I judge myself.
1. I judge people based on the number of followers they have on Instagram, a social site where
people upload all their daily eats, clothings or whatever adventure that they have outside.
2. I judge people based on the amount of likes they manage to generate based on their
photos that they uploaded. People can get easily more than a hundred, and me pathetically l
3. I judge people based on the number of likes they have on their twitter site, a site where people
tweet their daily thoughts in less than 140 words. That's where Ellen selfie photo got viral, it caused
the whole twitter site to be temporarily dysfunctional.
judge people just like how I judge myself.
1. I judge people based on the number of followers they have on Instagram, a social site where
people upload all their daily eats, clothings or whatever adventure that they have outside.
2. I judge people based on the amount of likes they manage to generate based on their
photos that they uploaded. People can get easily more than a hundred, and me pathetically l
3. I judge people based on the number of likes they have on their twitter site, a site where people
tweet their daily thoughts in less than 140 words. That's where Ellen selfie photo got viral, it caused
the whole twitter site to be temporarily dysfunctional.
How I wish I had that kind of popularity too.
4. I judge people based on the number of followers they have on twitter/instagram too. It sucks to know that I have so pathetic number of followers.
5. I judge people based on the number of retweets they get too. Or the number of favourites they get from
their tweet.
6. I judge people based on their outer appearance. As much as the society always remind us that beauty
is what that comes from within. We just got to admit that without the plus point from your looks, who would
even give you the chance to know you from inside? Hate, UTTERLY HATE, this part of society
where they always make empty promises.
7. I judge people based on too many things - grades, popularity, looks, family, friends, etc.
All in all, when I judge people, I shouldn't blame others for judging me too.
Le sigh.
5. I judge people based on the number of retweets they get too. Or the number of favourites they get from
their tweet.
6. I judge people based on their outer appearance. As much as the society always remind us that beauty
is what that comes from within. We just got to admit that without the plus point from your looks, who would
even give you the chance to know you from inside? Hate, UTTERLY HATE, this part of society
where they always make empty promises.
7. I judge people based on too many things - grades, popularity, looks, family, friends, etc.
All in all, when I judge people, I shouldn't blame others for judging me too.
Le sigh.
Monday 3 March 2014
Dad, I miss the old you or rather I miss the old me.
I should be thankful for my dad but what am I doing,
my presence just always never fail to make things worse for him.
As much as I say I love him, why can't I just recover for his sake?
Why must I continue sticking on to the ED that just bring shame and misery,
not only to myself but also for my family?
It's ridiculous thinking about how irrational the ED is (when I am sane).
But then again, why am I still engaging in those useless and stupid behaviours?
I miss my dad smile, I miss my dad everything. I miss how he used to like me,
spraying me with positive attention and not the negative minute attention that I am getting.
I miss his constant rubbing of my head, an indication that I am a good girl.
I miss his constant encouragement about my exam results, and never pushing me off the limits.
I miss his humour and his jokes around anything and everything.
I miss how my dad used to look up and be thankful for a daughter like me.
I miss how my dad used to respect me.
I miss how my dad used to love me.
I miss how my dad used to trust me.
I miss how my dad used to believe in me.
I miss how my dad used to treat me with tender loving care.
I miss how my dad could be honest when he's with me.
I miss how my dad just lie on my shoulder (Yes, my dad does that when he's comfortable with someone)
ALL IN ALL, I miss the dad when I didn't have ED. I
my presence just always never fail to make things worse for him.
As much as I say I love him, why can't I just recover for his sake?
Why must I continue sticking on to the ED that just bring shame and misery,
not only to myself but also for my family?
It's ridiculous thinking about how irrational the ED is (when I am sane).
But then again, why am I still engaging in those useless and stupid behaviours?
I miss my dad smile, I miss my dad everything. I miss how he used to like me,
spraying me with positive attention and not the negative minute attention that I am getting.
I miss his constant rubbing of my head, an indication that I am a good girl.
I miss his constant encouragement about my exam results, and never pushing me off the limits.
I miss his humour and his jokes around anything and everything.
I miss how my dad used to look up and be thankful for a daughter like me.
I miss how my dad used to respect me.
I miss how my dad used to love me.
I miss how my dad used to trust me.
I miss how my dad used to believe in me.
I miss how my dad used to treat me with tender loving care.
I miss how my dad could be honest when he's with me.
I miss how my dad just lie on my shoulder (Yes, my dad does that when he's comfortable with someone)
ALL IN ALL, I miss the dad when I didn't have ED. I
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